Let's Talk Birthmoms

Birthmother.

When you hear that word it probably brings images of a woman cold and uncaring, leaving her infant wrapped in blankets at the steps of another home, fleeing in the night.  She must not love that child. She must be selfish.

I think that is a very harmful myth and in the vast majority of cases couldn't be farther from the truth.  I think that myth adds to the abortion rate in our country.  It is perceived that any woman who gives up her child for adoption must not love the child.  So that same child is killed in secrecy instead.

No, I highly respect and admire the woman who sets aside her own comfort and desires to carry a baby that she knows she will never raise for 9 months, give birth, and then unselfishly give that child to a home that can better care for the baby for whatever reason.

Choosing life for your child is one of the best most unselfish things a mother could ever do.

I think about (and pray for) our future daughter's birthmother.  However, unlike in America, abortion is not something that happens in the Congo.  Children aren't given up by parents as an alternative to abortion.

The reasons for orphans are different there.  There aren't even orphans primarily due to poverty.  Although it is an extremely poor country, most of the 5 million orphans have another reason to be without parents.

It's not even AIDS.  Yes, just like in any country, especially those in Africa, AIDS is an issue.  People die from AIDS.  But that's still not the primary reason for the 5 million orphans in the Congo.

What's the reason?  Genocide.

There is a war going on that is killing a record number of people.  It's even reported recently to be higher than the number killed in the Holocaust.

I will probably never know specifically why our daughter came to need adoption.  But I do know I pray for her and her birthmother.

It's hard to think that our joy will be another woman's pain.

Adoption is the response to a fallen world.  I wish it wasn't even necessary.  I wish all mommys and daddys could raise their children to live full and healthy lives.

I know Baby S will have gone thru more in her little life than most of us can imagine.

So, although you mean well, please don't call her lucky.  I know you mean it as a compliment but no child that has lost their mother and had their family ripped apart by war is lucky.  No child that is found abandoned in the marketplace or the jungle is lucky.  No child that spends the first months or years of her life in an orphanage is lucky.

A few things are certain, though.  She will be loved.  And she will learn about Christ and His love for  her.

And we will be so lucky to have her.