2 Weeks...

It's been 2 weeks since we learned our precious Haven Joy had gone to be with Jesus.

Two weeks but it feels like months ago.  A lifetime ago since we were waiting to here we had gotten our LOA, anticipating traveling in January to get  her, and looking forward to sending her a photo book of her new family.

Over these past 2 weeks I have grieved harder than I ever have in my life.  My heart has felt like it is breaking.

I will never understand. I will never stop wondering what it would have been like to welcome her home.  I will never be able to fill the void that she left.

But over these past 2 weeks, our family has felt more love than we ever have.  Cards and messages and flowers and meals.  Letters from a couple and their children who have all been blessed by adoption, writing us asking us to please not give up on adoption.  Friends and family have all been so encouraging, asking us the same...don't give up on adoption.

Daniel and I have decided we won't give up.  We won't leave our dossier in China to never be matched with a child.  What a disgrace that would be.  We feel certain our love for Haven was not in vain.  She started something big and powerful within us.  We won't give up.

We had a beautiful memorial service in our backyard last week.  We had planned for just a small gathering of family, but we got so much more.  Family and friends from 6 states total came to show their love for Haven and for us.  Friends from high school and college.  Friends from facebook who came to love on us in real life.  Family that drove hours to be here just for a little bit.

Daniel and I both spoke about Haven and how she impacted our lives in such a huge way.  We will never be the same.  And we both vowed that we wouldn't let what she started go to waste.  She put a love and desire for a child with Down syndrome in our heart.  She exuded so much joy.  She was a gift and our daughter forever.

We played a song that Haven loved to hear sung by the nannies.  In a very rare occassion, her file stated this song and that she loved to dance to it.  I was able to find it and we played it.  To hear something that  made her so happy is a gift.
Haven's happy song (follow this link to hear it)

Several family members and friends got up and spoke about what Haven meant to them and impacted their life.  They also encouraged and comforted us.  Their words will always stay in my heart.
Finally, we all let go of balloons.  It was like telling Haven 'good bye, fly away sweet girl.'  Noah and Eli even wrote notes to her and attached it to their balloon.  Messages like "I love you and really wish you could come home."

I will always miss Haven.

I will always love Haven.

I will always remember how loved we have felt and how much she impacted so many people.

I will always remember how God's presence and arms have held me up, even when I was too weak to ask Him.

I will always take comfort in knowing Haven is with our Father and I will see her again someday.