But for some reason, that made some people upset. I got some flack for comparing an adoption to the miracle of pregnancy! A little crazy if you ask me, since we all have our feelings and perspectives on such things, and that was mine. Especially since I had been pregnant before, didn't I have the right to say this felt like my previous pregnancies?
Well now, I've got a deeper perspective to beat that. I'm adopting. And I'm pregnant. At the same time.
And let me tell you, my heart knows no difference.
For Daniel and I, the feelings and emotions that goes along with anticipating Selah's arrival and the new baby's arrival is the same. (Just further confirmation we were meant to do this, right?)
Here's some ways, adoption and pregnancy are the same:
--The excitement of knowing you will be adding to your family soon! A new child's upcoming arrival is a very exciting and blessed thing! And our excitement to welcome Selah home and the new baby is equal.
--The joy you feel when you get glimpses of those children! True, with Selah I get pictures of her in the orphanage and with the baby it's a sonogram picture, but the joy is equal! And the feeling of awe? Definetly the same.
--The mental preparation. Emotionally, there's a bonding time during the pregnancy. You find out you're pregnant, and you are either thrilled and it doesn't seem real yet or you are in shock and it takes a while for you to come to grips with the new reality. Either way, as your belly grows and you feel this new life growing inside of you, you fall in love and can't wait for that baby to be in your arms.
With adoption, I don't think the shock is too common because obviously you don't just stumble into adopting. But it may take a while to feel real. During the homestudy and application processes, there's no tangible proof that you are adopting. Until the referral. Then you have a face. A picture that shows you who you have been praying for exists and will be home with you soon. So many people describe the love at first sight feeling they had when they first saw their child. I can testify that when we saw Selah's face, we knew she was our daughter. With time, the feelings of love for that child in the pictures grows and grows until you can't stand it anymore and she has to be home like now! And then that's the magical day you get the travel call. Or so I imagine.
So, do you see? Adoption and pregnancy is the same in the fact that the emotions that goes along with it are the same. Excitement. Joy. Anticipation. (And even some freak-out moments if we're honest). So don't treat an adoptive momma like her experience is any less valid or fulfilling than a pregnancy. That's just not true.
Obviously, the adoption and pregnancy experience has differences, too. Here's how I see it:
--Timeframe. There is a definite and set time frame with pregnancy. True, babies are born early, but as typical and healthy pregnancies go, you know with fair certainty when your child will be home (February!). Not true with adoption. Timeframes change constantly, usually for the worse. We thought at referral Selah would be home this month or next. Now we're praying for the end of this year. I can't stand not knowing!
--The baby is always with you! I took this for granted when I was pregnant with Noah and Eli. Anywhere I go, my sweet little growing baby is with me. I can control what I eat, drink, and how much rest I get. I know where my baby is at all times and once I can feel kicks, can keep tabs on when he is awake or asleep! With adoption, not true. Selah is across the world from us in a place we can't even really visualize in our minds. In a different time zone. Hearing a different language. We don't know her schedule. She is far away from us. And some days it seems really really far.
--People know by looking at you. Later in the pregnancy, everyone will know I have a baby on the way, because I'll be gigantic. I'll probably get asked due dates and gender every time I go in public. Sometimes it can get old, but when adopting the lack of recognition is strange. People can't tell by looking at me I have a daughter on the way. People now ask me how many children I have and that has turned into a complicated answer!
I'm sure there are more similarities and differences, but that's all I have for now. I guess for those people who ever doubted the validity of my statement, that an adoption feels like a preganncy, now you can say no more...because I'm living both! (Although I'm guessing if you feel that way, you're probably not reading this blog. Bummer).
Thankful for my two children at home, and my two children on the way...thru the miracles of pregnancy and adoption!!
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